Offering

The music thunders, heads turn, the church doors open, and the bride appears dressed like a fairytale princess ready to walk down the aisle on "her special day." Surprisingly, this familiar scene is not the only way a wedding ceremony begins.

In the Byzantine tradition, the priest meets the bride and groom and he leads them together into the Church and to the altar as the faithful sing Psalm 127, a "hymn of ascent" from the Old Testament Liturgy in Jerusalem. The "great mystery" involves husband and wife together. It truly is "the day the Lord has made" for them (Psalm 118:24). The couple leaves the secular world to offer themselves as gifts to one another in the very House of the Lord. As they follow the priest who represents Christ, they testify that they will walk their married journey together.

The priest first asks the man and the woman, "have you come here freely and without reservation?" Each must offer himself/herself to the other freely and consciously, wholly and completely, body, mind and soul. This commitment is symbolized by rings and vows.

The Divine plan requires both man and woman. After creating man, God observes, "'It is not good for man to be alone,'" and therefore God creates woman for man, giving her to him and him to her (Genesis 2:18). When Adam sees the woman, he exclaims, "'This one, at last, is bone of my bones / and flesh of my flesh; / This one shall be called "woman" [ishah], / for out of ิher man' [ish] this one has been taken'" (Genesis 2:23). God creates man and woman for one another, making them for total union with each other. "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). A man may offer himself freely and totally only to a woman and a woman only to a man; only man and woman were created to "become one flesh" in the "great mystery" called "marriage."

Because God Himself is eternal, husband and wife make an eternal and exclusive commitment to one another when they give themselves to each other in God. As a closed curve, with every point equidistant from the center, the rings represent the eternal dimension of marriage. Marriage does not end even in death, but only attains its perfection as the two spouses experience full and perfect union only when they fully and perfectly are united to God in His Kingdom.

Man and woman offer themselves wholly and eternally. The idea that a couple remains married as long as they remain in love, as long as the spouses remain faithful to one other, or as long as the relationship "works" financially, socially or personally, makes no sense. Only the union between a man and a woman can be marriage in this holistic and enduring way. Nevertheless, we must remain sensitive to those couples challenged by divorce, and those individuals who experience same-sex attraction. The Church acknowledges that all people enjoy the right to love and companionship. The links below explore these issues.

• Personality Differences
  "If we see our differences as gifts, we are drawn towards greater acceptance."
• Infidelity
  "Marital infidelity is often both a problem as well as a symptom for whatever may be missing or not woking within the marriage."
• Finances
  "Spouses need to feel values and respected in their own home regardless of how much money they bring in."
• Yours, Mine, Ours
  "Avoid one-sided decisions. Make a budget plan and stick to it."
• How the Financial Downturn Affects Marriage
  "Crisis provides an opportunity to assess and strengthen the relationship."
• Same Sex Unions
  "Only a union of male and female can express the sexual complementarity willed by God for marriage."
• Divorce
  "Divorced people are full members of the Church and are encouraged to participate in its activities."
• The Truth About Divorce Statistics
  "Many people believe that marriage is more fragile than it really is."
• Divorce and the Church's Healing Ministry
  "Thus welcomed into the Body of Christ, the separated and divorced are able to draw closer to the Lord."
• Second Marriages
  "The Church offers a process to help divorced men and women who entered into what they thought was a valid marriage at the time."
• Annulments
  "A declaration of nullity does not deny that a relationship existed."
• Cohabitation
  "On average marriage preceded by cohabitation is 46% more likely to end in divorce."
• Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognitions to Unions Between Homosexual Persons. July 2003.
  Topic headings include: the nature of marriage and its inalienable characteristics, statements on the problem of homosexual unions, arguments from reason against legal recognition of homosexual unions, and positions of Catholic politicians with regard to legislation in favor of homosexual unions.
• Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church Concerning the Reception of Holy Communion by the Divorced and Remarried Members of the Faithful/Annus Internationalis. Sept. 14, 1994.
  Reconfirms the church's ordinary teaching on marriage, divorce and remarriage and rules out the "internal forum" in lieu of conformity to church teaching.
• Between Man and Woman: Questions and Answers about Marriage and Same-Sex Unions, November, 2003.
  A cogent summary of church teaching on marriage between a man and woman based on Scripture and tradition. Available in English and Spanish.
• Always Our Children: A Pastoral Message to Parents of Homosexual Children and Suggestions for Pastoral Ministers, 1997.
  A compassionate response to families struggling with the homosexuality of a loved one
• Statement on Same-Sex Marriage (USCCB Committee on Marriage and Family Life & USCCB Committee on Domestic Policy). July 1996.
  A brief statement addressing this emerging issue.